Working my way to heaven.....

I would never have opened my mouth and said these words, "I believe that I have to earn my way to heaven." It would have never even crossed my mind, because all my life I was taught saved by grace! And I believed it! I constantly thanked the Lord for his immeasurable grace toward me. Because I did so much wrong I thought I have to be saved by this grace that he gives.

But deep down....deep deep down I believed that I needed to do something to prove to Jesus that I was really saved. I needed to show him how much I appreciated his forgives by becoming a perfect human being without fears or insecurities. I needed to become someone who was so perfect that I didn't need him. But does that really express my gratitude rightly?

I was believing the saved by works thing though it wasn't as obvious. It was hidden which makes it more dangerous. Its that always how the devil convinces us of lies? With partial truths. Sigh.

The reality of the cross is that I can so ABSOLUTELY nothing to save myself. There is no way I can be perfect. No way that I can save myself. No way that I can ever fully devote my life to God that will pay him back. No possible way for me to be the person that he needed to save the world. That's his job.

My job is to love him. And obey him in what he asks me to do. That's all he wants from me. Complete perfection isn't something I have to achieve on my own. He is willing to help me with that. I actually don't have to do anything but sit and allow him to do the work in me.

I can see this is already true in my life. The way I am naturally I do not like people. I really had no compassion for the needs of common man. Most of my inward responses to people's problems were "Get over it!" How horrible! So rude! Ugh I hate the old me. But Jesus over the years has awakened a compassion in me. He was opened up my eyes to really love people. Honestly I didn't have any part in all of that. He just slowly chipped away the hard exterior and gave a soft interior. I'm so grateful for that. Sigh.

I'm done trying to earn my way into heaven. I'm done trying to be the perfect sacrifice that God requires. I'm done pretending to be fearless and unbreakable.

Here I am Jesus and I don't have it all together. Actually I have nothing together but I know that you do. Will you come in and keep saving me? Will you come in and change my heart? I need it Jesus. I need you. Thank you for already paying my way to heaven and sanctifying me on the earth through your blood. I love you.