In Over My Head...
I have an overwhelming desire to be in control of all situations. Things go wrong - I can fix it! My family isn't getting along - I can fix it! Clubs fall through - I can fix it! I'm like the Fix-It-Felix of emotional and personal problems. Or at least that's how I like to view myself. But lately nothing I try to fix actually fixes - I just make it worse. So much so that a month ago I found myself in an interesting spot where I was feeling depressed.
Thoughts like "It's never going to get any better." "Why do you even try?" "You can't leave or everything will just collapse around you!" flooded my every waking moment and I found myself helplessly panicking all the time. I would wake up to heart palpitations. I would go to sleep with anxious thoughts. It was my life to live in fear of losing control.
Because if I couldn't control what was happening to me, then how could I help others?
That's when Jesus spoke so clearly to my heart whispering, "I can fix it." I resisted at first because I didn't actually believe that he could take the mess I was in and turn it out for the good. I didn't trust that when he said, "I'll fix it!" that he could actually do it! I was trying to do it all in my own strength. I was trying to fight alone and I was miserably losing. SO hopelessly lost. When finally he spoke to me so clearly through devotions at CYIA - He basically told me that it was a sin to try and be Him. To try and do what was His job to do. Which is fix it.
For the past three weeks I have been learning this non-stop. It keeps coming up. As I've prayed and sought the Lord he keeps bringing to my mind - My will not yours! Which is so good. I guess what I'm saying is that there is hope in the midst of uncertain situations, because we have someone who is able to right every wrong and heal every hurt. He is able to calm every storm - or better yet - help us walk through it. He is my rock and my fortress. A very present help in time of need. He goes before me - so who do I need to fear?
Even when I am in over my head - He is still able to rescue me.
Thoughts like "It's never going to get any better." "Why do you even try?" "You can't leave or everything will just collapse around you!" flooded my every waking moment and I found myself helplessly panicking all the time. I would wake up to heart palpitations. I would go to sleep with anxious thoughts. It was my life to live in fear of losing control.
Because if I couldn't control what was happening to me, then how could I help others?
That's when Jesus spoke so clearly to my heart whispering, "I can fix it." I resisted at first because I didn't actually believe that he could take the mess I was in and turn it out for the good. I didn't trust that when he said, "I'll fix it!" that he could actually do it! I was trying to do it all in my own strength. I was trying to fight alone and I was miserably losing. SO hopelessly lost. When finally he spoke to me so clearly through devotions at CYIA - He basically told me that it was a sin to try and be Him. To try and do what was His job to do. Which is fix it.
For the past three weeks I have been learning this non-stop. It keeps coming up. As I've prayed and sought the Lord he keeps bringing to my mind - My will not yours! Which is so good. I guess what I'm saying is that there is hope in the midst of uncertain situations, because we have someone who is able to right every wrong and heal every hurt. He is able to calm every storm - or better yet - help us walk through it. He is my rock and my fortress. A very present help in time of need. He goes before me - so who do I need to fear?
Even when I am in over my head - He is still able to rescue me.
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