Beautifully Broken

Two words that don't go together. Beautiful - Broken. They are opposites  - when you think of one you don't ever think of the other. Recently I have been very broken physically. Bronchitis has taken over my body and slammed me into a brick wall. I am just now getting back on my feet health wise. But a part of my health has been stolen from me, I can't breathe the way that I want to. The doctor calls it restrictive lung disease... and I call it slow death. What it means is that ever time that I exhale it is like a boa constrictor is around my lungs and making them expand fully is hard thus the inhalers. If you know me at all then you will know that singing is a huge... HUGE part of my life and

I'm not able to like I want to.

At least not the way that I want to. I was singing on Sunday and halfway through the song I couldn't continue. I just had no more air to give. But I have a wonderful hope. My Savior heals. When He heals he doesn't just do an okay job - He heals completely and I am looking forward with thanksgiving and a grateful heart for the healing He is going to provide! As I was praying one day I felt like he spoke this to me "I am healing you, Charissa. It is just going to take a while because you are so broken."

On Sunday though I realized that I am not just broken physically. I am broken mentally, spiritually and even the places - the hurts and disappointments - that I thought I had "gotten over" are still there. I cried a lot Sunday. I kind of prayed the "Why me?" prayer because I thought I was doing okay. He opened my eyes to the fact that we are all born broken.

We just don't know it......

Crippled by a dying world we are all taught to walk around like everything is okay and to cover up the pain and the hurt so much so that we even forget that it's there. Then the Lord comes along and shows us the brokenness of sin and how much we need a Savior. But He doesn't save us and make us complete right then - it is a journey. A journey that I believe will take my entire life and when I reach heaven knowing more about my brokenness than I can handle right now He will show me how it is beautiful to Him.

He already sees your broken heart - and He loves it. He has come not to condemn the world but to save the world through him. So even though I don't see it right now, I can know that to Him my heart is beautifully broken.