You Matter

Ministry has always been very important in my life. When I was young I was always following around my dad when he would be putting together events and helping him as he set up and put away everything. I loved it. It was so much fun to wake up super early and get in the car while it was still dark outside to run around Publix and get ice for the event. Good times :) Then as I got older I moved into a different role of helping with Children's ministry - this meant for the next 5 years I wore the same thing to church every single week. Some weeks I would be so tired and worn out I would just want to lay in bed all day. But I would have to get up and do what I had to do. And soon ministry became more like a job and I became more like my family in that - if anyone asked me to do anything I wouldn't say no. Soon a lie was deeply rooted into my brain:

Ministry is more important than my feelings, well-being, and choice. 

Believing this lie made it easier to sometimes be used in the name of ministry, to volunteer numerous hours and just sacrifice myself to ministry. As I grew older I began to have more boundaries when it came to serving and there was a time that I didn't do anything in the church at all. But the lie still festered in my soul - creating in me a deeply rooted infectious disease. I carried that belief into my time here in Orlando. But the thing is I was blinded to it. I didn't even know it was there, because that is how clever lies work. They mix a bit of truth in with it and have events happen that confirm it so that it is a more permanent fixture in your heart. With that growing ever still in my heart, I pushed myself here in Orlando - Made myself stay at work when I was stick, worked every weekend with no break, knowing that I was exhausted but still setting up appointments and running around. I have been getting sick for a very long time and yes I have been praying the "Why Me?" prayer to the Lord.

This is what he said,

"Why? Because You matter." I know this is silly but I had never thought about it that way before. I am more important than ministry. My well-being and feelings are more important than getting the job done or doing the next thing - Honestly there is always going to be work that needs to be done. Always a job or a person that needs helping, but sometimes if you keep helping all the time you will break permanently. The Lord showed me that I was like a small bird with a broken wing and he said "If you keep pushing it to fly, it will never fly again." 

The lie is this - that the feelings and well being of the humans involved don't matter. Ministry is important to God, but more than getting the job done or finishing the task he has asked us to take care of the people. I have known many people leave churches because they were burnt out and they didn't feel like they mattered to the church. But we matter. 

Thank you for reading this blog - I know it isn't always easy to get to the end and I really appreciate it. God is continually helping me debunk lies that consume me and I think it is easiest for me to process them when I write about it :)