Choosing Joy - Choosing Jesus

In the last week my computer has given up on life... My room has been infested with mold... and the only computer I have to work on just shut down involuntarily. What is going on?!?! Is this like "Let's make sure Charissa can't work!" week? Through this all I have yelled at my brother, thrown a fit like a baby and right now I am crying in frustration. I don't understand... None of these things make sense to me. It makes me angry and upset that I can't do my job the way I want to. I'm upset because I feel like I'm failing. Hugely. I'm afraid of not doing everything that I can to make this summer a success. I'm afraid that I will fail and everyone will hate me. I know this isn't true but it feels true.

I just keep hearing a little voice in the back of my head saying "Be still and know that I am God. Rest knowing that I will take care of you." And I have to question myself. Do I actually believe that he can take care of all of this? Do I believe that he is able to make this week okay? I don't know. I really don't know. I don't think I do. But I want to. I want to believe he is able. I want to believe that he is still God when I can't get my life together. I want to believe that he has a plan through all my failures. But it seems impossible. It seems impossible for me to choose joy right now.

As I sit here he is reminding me "Today is not to hard for you. Today is just a word. Quickly fading today is over soon." So for today - I choose joy. For today I choose Jesus.