Surrender

Can I just talk for a few minutes?

Thanks.

Most of you don't know this but I am a very stubborn person. I like things my way. If I have a plan I don't want anyone to change it unless you can give me a rock solid reason behind the change. Otherwise we will do my plan, whether or not you like it.

This personality trait makes surrender very hard. Actually my whole body cringes at the word surrender. I don't like it. When I was struggling so much with depression, it was easy to surrender my will to others because - well I had no will to live - but now that I am on the other side (PRAISE THE LORD!) my will has come back in full force and it doesn't like surrender.

For all you math people out there let me give you an equation.

But the Lord is asking me to surrender all my plans to him. He is asking me to surrender all my dreams. He is asking me to surrender my life to him - not just once, but everyday. I'm struggling with it. I don't like to lay down my desires my wants. I've told the Lord more than once - I want to do what I want to do!  - But that's not right.

So I guess you can just pray for me because I'm just struggling. I'm going to surrender everything everyday but it's hard.