Inadequacy.... A gift?

Lately I have been feeling inadequate. Thoughts of doubt creep into my head and I wonder if I can actually do what the Lord is calling me to do. Self pity comes in too and whispers "It's just too hard to fund raise.... It is too hard to wait to work." Recently most of my battles have been with fear, fear that I will make a mistake and ruin everything that the Lord is doing, fear that I will be rejected.

But the title of my devotions this morning hit me between the eyes. "The Blessing of Inadequacy." The last couple of times I have made phone calls or talked with someone about my ministry I have been so nervous and afraid that I would mess up. Just standing up with my pastor in front of the congregation I was afraid that I would do something wrong. I didn't even have to speak and I was afraid. During those times when I was so afraid, I prayed harder than when I think I have it all under control. Every time that I pray like that, the Lord shows up in a big way. Sometimes I don't even realize what happened, until it is long said and done.  I realized today that my fear is something that pushes me into the arms of my Savior and when I am there He takes care of everything.

I might never get over being afraid when I call people, but if that fear helps me lean on my Savior and depend on him more, I think it might be a good thing. I would rather go with Jesus trembling, than go by myself with confidence. Thank you Lord for the gift of inadequacy.

The Lord has used this verse to help me when I am feeling afraid. I don't have to worry about my circumstances because He is still here with me through all of them and He is working through them.