My Life is a Mess

Yep - You read the title right... my life is literally a walking mess. I am currently writing this from my bathroom which is the only place in the house that is semi clean. But even here there is shampoo and conditioner all over the floor, dirty clothes and the occasional stray hair. Ok, who am I trying to kid?  I loose hair like a dog sheds. It is everywhere. My living room is currently covered in paper. It looks like a receipt machine at Walmart exploded. There are church bulletins and bank statements strewn around the room. My kitchen has an odor.... I can't idetify. Something like rotting lettuce and mold.... and even that isn't it. Dishes are literally piled to the ceiling (ok not to literally) And don't get me started on my room. Clean and dirty clothes are everywhere! My bed is currently the host of many clean clothes that have yet to be put away. I only sleep on half of it because the other half has stuff on it. Sigh. And the worst part of all of this is..

I live by myself!

I have no one to blame the mess on! I try hiding from the mess... I pretend its not there. I leave for work and I say 'Goodbye house.' So I don't have to think about it for 8 hours. I work the weekends and I haven't slept in my house most of this month because of all the traveling I have been doing. When I am at home I start a movie to distract myself from the chaos that surrounds me. Sigh.

The weirdest thing about it is....
                                                 It reflects the inside of me too.
I live on the outside pretending there is nothing wrong within. I cover up my insecurities and hide all the places that I am afraid. I push aside my hurt and just deal with it always being right there.

And I don't do anything about it.

I let all that mess stay in my heart because 1. I am overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. 2. I am afraid of what I'll find. The great thing about out heavenly Father is that He doesn't require us to clean the whole thing all at once. All He says is "Let me do it. And we'll start here." It is a process to clean up the mess that is 20 years in the making. It isn't easy, fun or painless. And it leaves you emotionally exhausted. Sigh. But... You just have to do it. You can't be expected to sit around and ignore it your whole life. I have to deal with this because I am a Child of the King and He is helping me! It will be one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I know it will be worth it.
                                       
                                              So let the cleaning begin!
                                                              (physically & spiritually haha)