Not okay
I'm going to be very honest right now and say that I am having a difficult time. I am trying to block out everything that is happening right now and submerge my feelings that want to overtake my body. I am angry - I am hurt - I am forgiven.
I was just praying and listening to "You don't miss a thing" by Bethel Music and it came to the part in the song that says "You surround me with angels on assignment." I found myself praying that God would let me see angels. "Please just this once let me see angels that are surrounding me." When I opened my eyes - the first thing that I saw where the pictures surrounding me of all the teenagers that the Lord allows me to minister to. Talk about humbling.
They are my angels. They are the reason that I do what I do. Even if just one of them has a life changing experience where they meet God. I am a success. Even if one leads a child to Christ - I am a success. My success has nothing to do with anything that I do. It has everything to do with what Jesus is doing through me. If I come and I don't do anything but I spend a few minutes loving on one of Jesus' lambs then it was worth it. I don't have to be anything but what Jesus is making me.
Guys... why can't I do this life? Why is it that every other day I am hurt or angry or struggling with depression or just everything? I'm trying - it's not for a lack of trying that I'm failing so much. Sigh.
Normally I like to end blog post with a "It's okay, Jesus has me! :) " or at least something semi- not depressing or something. But not today - because honestly it's not okay.
Not today - but someday it will be okay.
I was just praying and listening to "You don't miss a thing" by Bethel Music and it came to the part in the song that says "You surround me with angels on assignment." I found myself praying that God would let me see angels. "Please just this once let me see angels that are surrounding me." When I opened my eyes - the first thing that I saw where the pictures surrounding me of all the teenagers that the Lord allows me to minister to. Talk about humbling.
They are my angels. They are the reason that I do what I do. Even if just one of them has a life changing experience where they meet God. I am a success. Even if one leads a child to Christ - I am a success. My success has nothing to do with anything that I do. It has everything to do with what Jesus is doing through me. If I come and I don't do anything but I spend a few minutes loving on one of Jesus' lambs then it was worth it. I don't have to be anything but what Jesus is making me.
Guys... why can't I do this life? Why is it that every other day I am hurt or angry or struggling with depression or just everything? I'm trying - it's not for a lack of trying that I'm failing so much. Sigh.
Normally I like to end blog post with a "It's okay, Jesus has me! :) " or at least something semi- not depressing or something. But not today - because honestly it's not okay.
Not today - but someday it will be okay.
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